Bittersweet Addiction
by bunnyyy18
Summary: "She is my rock and strength, when I am too weak to continue. She is my light and my hope, when I am drowning in the infernal pool of turmoil and pain. She is everything and more. She is my world." ByaRuki. AU. OOC. One-shot. Please read & review! Thanks!


Hey guys! I decided to take a quick break from writing "All I Want For Christmas." I couldn't sleep. Ideas kept popping in my head, so I decided to write this. Major AU and some OOC are happening here. Still, I hope you like it. As always, reviews and comments are always welcome! This is written from Byakuya's point of view.

Disclaimer: Byakuya and Rukia aren't mine, no matter how much I wish they were. They come from the genius that is Tite Kubo, but I enjoy playing around with them. Daisuke, though, is mine.

Enjoy!

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"**Bittersweet Addiction"**

Over the horizon, I watch the sun slowly setting across the Mediterranean sea as it bathed in the afterglow of the day's toils and adversities. The salty smell of the sea tickles my nose as I further bury my feet into the sand, the waves caressing my skin and making a silent melody as it plays on the shore.

My thoughts drift further to her, to the woman whose very presence causes my heart to smile. In the days that I see her face, my eyes crave for more. Every moment I am blest with the occasion of hearing her laughter or her voice, my ears scream for more. And in the times when I am chanced to feel her touch and her care, my heart dies for more. She is my bittersweet addiction. An addiction that I choose not to let go and even an eternity would not erase her from my soul. She is my best friend, my confidant. She knows everything about me, more so than I know myself. She is my rock and strength when I am too weak to continue. She is my light and my hope when I am drowning in the infernal pool of turmoil and pain. She is everything and more. She is my world.

"Byakuya!" I hear the object of my dreams calling out to me.

Closing my eyes, I relish in the sound of my name as it flows from her lips as I hear her running across the sand and making her way towards me. Her voice is so melodious, like gentle chimes caressed by the tender breeze of summer. I feel more so than hear as she took her seat beside me. She places a soft hand on my shoulder and asks me, "Hey Byakuya, didn't you hear me calling you?"

Opening my eyes, I turn to look at my friend, my sweet angel, my Rukia. At the look of confusion on her face, I had to smile. She always looks so adorable when her eyebrows furrow together and she has a slight pout on her lips. "I heard you, but I wasn't really paying attention to you," I tease her with a smirk.

Pouting, she pushes me until I fall on my back on the sand. "You're so mean!" she whines mockingly. As her face towers over mine with her hands on either side of my head, her violet eyes meeting mine, Rukia tilts her head slightly to the side as a smile lights up her features. She sticks her tongue out at me in a very child-like manner.

I had to laugh. She has no idea just how beautiful she looks. I hear her constantly complaining on how she isn't good enough and that someone is always better than her at something that I have to shake my head in bewilderment. How can anybody be prettier, funnier, or better than her? She's one in a billion and there's no one in this world that could outshine her star. As I look up at her smiling face, the sun's remaining glow causing a halo to appear around her delicate, black hair, I find myself wanting to just bear my soul out to her. But then something in me causes me to pause.

Why would somebody like her choose to be with someone like me? She's a beautiful funny confident young woman who everybody loves and adores, whereas I'm a silent wallflower who nobody seems to really notice. I have nothing to offer her while other men could give her the world.

"Are you all right, Byakuya?" Her soft voice breaking my reverie as she looks at me with a slight raise of her eyebrow.

I pretend to glare at her. "I will be when you move so I'll be able to sit up again."

Giggling, she obliges as she moves back in her place and helps me sit up, patting the sand off of my back.

As I turn to look at her, I can see that there was something she wanted to tell me and it was clearly killing her not being able to say anything. Choosing not to torture her any longer, I ask, "So, what is it that you want to tell me?"

Extending her left arm so that I have a clear look at the sparkling rock perched on her ring finger, she says, "Daisuke proposed!"

Daisuke, of course. Daisuke is one of the many reasons why I chose to keep my love for Rukia a complete secret. Daisuke is Rukia's boyfriend, and now her fiancé. He's been her boyfriend for the last five years now and he's someone you could truly call as 'Mr. Perfect'. He graduated with top marks on his Masters Degree of International Business and Finance. He's a multimillionaire with a mansion in practically every major city in the world, and that is not an exaggeration. He's handsome, rich and smart. How can I compete with someone like that?

As she waits for my reaction, I plaster a smile on my face, hoping that it looked sincere and genuine. "I'm very happy for you, Rukia," I tell her. "Daisuke's a good man. I'm sure he'll make you very happy."

Nodding, she pulls her hand away and smils at me. My response seemed to have been sufficient as we both turn our attention back to the setting sun. I sigh when I feel her lean her head against my shoulder as she moves so close to me that our hips were touching. I move to wrap an arm around her as I feel her shiver. The scene feels so right, my arm around her and her by my side. It all seems so perfect, but then I am hit with the reality that her heart could never be mine. It beats for a man who I could only wish that I was. I love her, and I will always love her. But she could never love me.

As much as I prayed for time to stand still, it paid me no heed as it hastened its pace. Rukia had requested my assistance on her wedding and Daisuke had even asked me to be his best man. I couldn't refuse. With every day that grew closer to their glorious wedding, my heart shattered a little inside. With every moment that I saw the two lovers sharing a smile or being in each other's arms, my soul died a little inside. It's too hard for me to bear, to see them together in such a sweet and loving way, but it is my eternal punishment I shall be burdened with it forever. I chose not to pursue her. I chose to let her go. It was my choice…and now I have my perpetual consequence, one I shall be haunted with in all the days of my life.

The day of Rukia's wedding finally came. Oh, how the long months seemed like short days. It seemed only yesterday that I accompanied her to pick out her wedding dress. It seemed not too long ago when I escorted her to the flower shop to help her choose the flowers for her wedding. The sound of the church organ call me back from my thoughts as it plays the wedding march, signaling to those present that the bride was about to enter. As the doors open and she walks in, I hold my breath. There are no words to describe her beauty. With the elegant gown that hugged her figure perfectly, she walks towards the altar. When our gazes met, I smile at her and she returns the gesture.

In my dreams, this would've been the moment when I would extend a hand for her to take and we would make our vows in front of these spectators. But this wasn't my dream, this was reality. And in reality, I can only watch as her hand is being held by another man. I can only silently witness as she makes her vows to love and cherish a man who is not me. My memory darkens and everything seems a blur to me. I don't recall the ceremony, nor can I recall the reception afterwards. All I can remember is Rukia bidding me farewell. She swerves through the sea of people and wraps her arms around me.

As I place my hands on her waist, I whisper, "Congratulations. I'm sure you'll be very happy with Daisuke."

I could feel her hugging me a little tighter when she whispered, "Thank you, Byakuya."

She holds me close to her a moment longer before she places a sweet and tender kiss on my cheek. When she pulled away, I wanted to scream at the loss of her warmth. I was missing her already.

With a small smile, she pats my arm as she says, "Goodbye, Byakuya."

"Goodbye," I reply, but it was lost in the crowd as she quickly turns away and walks to where her husband stood waiting. Her husband. Just the thought of it makes my heart crumble. I watch as the newly weds wave to the people before they enter their vehicle. I observe how the crowd dissipated, following the car, and I am left alone in the doorway with only the memory of her presence as my company.

"I love you, Rukia," I whisper with only the hollowed halls bearing witness to my furtive declaration.

That was the last I saw of Rukia…but that wasn't the last I heard of her. She wrote to me and sent my pictures almost every week and called me at least twice a week. She and Daisuke had moved to his country home in the South of France where, I suppose, they lived happily ever after. The years flew by and her letters had begun to come in scarcely, her calls a complete rarity. Until, they just finally stopped and I never heard from her again.

I became successful in my own account. I own an enterprise in real estate with a few major stocks here and there. I even have my own business company. There is never a town that I go to that a person has no idea who I am. But as well known, rich, or successful I might be, I know that I'm not happy. I could never be happy. My happiness lies with the woman I have not seen or heard from in over ten years. I miss her dearly. At night, I still dream of her and in the morning when I wake, she is the first thought that crosses my mind. As I have said, she is my bittersweet addiction and even an eternity could not erase her from my heart and soul.

I am suddenly startled at the hand on my shoulder that I almost drop the cup of coffee in my hand. Turning my attention towards the owner of said hand, I am surprised to see Daisuke. My heart leaps and falls at the same time. What is Daisuke doing here in Miami? And where is Rukia? Is she with him? Is she _still_ with him? Is she staying at their home? Where _is_ she?

Motioning him to take a seat across from me, I force a smile to grace my lips. As he sat down, I ask, "So, how are you, Daisuke? I haven't seen you in the last ten years."

He smiles at me and I know it's a genuine smile, unlike mine. "I'm fine. But I hear you've made quite a name for yourself."

"I try," I reply. But with the short and formal pleasantries put aside, I have to ask the burning question in my mind. "So, where's Rukia? It's not very nice of you to leave your wife by herself."

At the mention of her name, I can see Daisuke's face fall, the smile completely gone from his lips and his eyes were left dim. Was it something I said?

"Rukia died a year ago."

His revelation strikes me. I feel my blood ran cold. I feel dizzy and weak. Had it not been for the chair that supported me, I would've surely fallen on the concrete pavement.

Rukia? _Dead_? It can't be! Those two words should never be in the same sentence! She can't be dead! How is it even possible?

"How…" I pause to regain my composure. My voice is shaking and I know that I am moments away from breaking down. When I feel that I have slightly regained my equilibrium, I continue, "How did she die?"

Daisuke stands up with his hands in his pockets before he looks at me. "Why don't we go for a walk?"

Nodding, I stand up and leave some bills to pay for the tab. Then, Daisuke and I make our way for the seashore. It is close to sunset, so it isn't really that hot. But even if it was, I wouldn't even notice. My mind is still too preoccupied with the thought of Rukia. I can't think of her other than being happy and full of life. Daisuke and I walk for a little while until I really look at him with an insistent stare.

"She was suffering from ovarian cancer not more than five years ago," Daisuke told me, his voice void of emotion. "She went into chemo for two years but then stopped. She said that she wanted to go home and spend the last remaining days of her life being happy. She knew that it was her time and she accepted that."

Imagining her behavior, I have to smile a bit. "She's always been very strong."

Daisuke agrees. "Yeah, she was." Pausing on his tracks, he looks at the sun as it slowly descends and I can see that his eyes were glazed with unshed tears. He looks at the sun so intensely as though there was something there only he could see. When he speaks at last, it is full of sadness. "Rukia loved the sunset. Every sundown, she would always ask me to watch it with her. She always said that it reminded her of you."

_Me_? _Rukia_ thought about _me_?

I couldn't dwell further on this revelation since Daisuke turns to look at me and says, "I wished I was like you. But I could never be you. I tried. But I couldn't even come close to you."

I was lost. What did he mean by that?

And as though reading my thoughts, Daisuke takes out a piece of paper in his pocket and gives it to me. Before I could ask, he says, "That's a letter from Rukia. She wrote that before she died. She made me promise to give it to you if fate chanced us to meet again. She said it would explain everything for you."

"Thank you," I whisper.

Daisuke smiles. "I should go. My real intention for disturbing you had been to give you that letter. Now that I've done that, I can go. I've kept my promise to Rukia." And without so much as another word, he walks away.

Left alone, I hold the letter tightly in my hands as I look down on the piece of paper. Falling on the sand, I unfold it and look it over. Her penmanship was different. It was a little light and rough around the edges but I can tell that it was still hers. So, I begin to read.

_My dearest Byakuya,_

_By the time you read this, I am no longer present. I would have gone away to someplace better, to someplace where I can rest, to someplace where pain does not exist. Words cannot express my deep longing for you at this point in time. I haven't seen you in over ten years and I miss you so much. We haven't talked for a long time and I miss hearing your voice._

_I apologize for not telling you myself about my condition. I didn't want you to waste an idle thought about me. I always pictured you having a family of your own, a perfect wife and beautiful children who bore your resemblance. I didn't want to bother that ideal family portrait with you worrying about me. I know that I'm your best friend and I will forever be that way to you. But how I wish I was something more._

_Byakuya, in all the years that we've been friends, I have always loved you, deeper than perhaps what you would've wanted from me. You wanted a friendship, but I wanted something more than that. But then again, why would someone like you choose to be with someone like me? People like you don't go for people like me. You're smart, handsome, pure-hearted and just…perfect, whereas I'm flawed. And you're also so sweet in telling me that I'm just perfect the way I am._

_I could never tell you how much I loved you, how much I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I could never be good enough for you no matter how much I tried. You want someone who's smart and could talk about important things like current events and politics, and I'm not like that. You're always so far from my reach. Everyday I make myself look beautiful just for you, hoping that you'd look at me with love in your eyes. But it seemed as though you never really gave me that sort of attention. While other men fawned over me, you never even took the time to really look at me. You were always too busy exchanging ideas with other people. And it was then when I realized that I could never be good enough for you._

_And Daisuke knew that. He tried his best to make me forget you, forget my feelings towards you, but he could never be able to take your place in my heart. I love you so much, Byakuya, and I will always love you, even after I breathe my last._

_Yours always,_

_Rukia_

As I clutched the letter in my hand, I can do nothing more than cry. Placing my elbows on my knees and burying my face in my arms, I allow the world to witness my grief and pain. Rukia _loved_ me. _She_ loved _me_, as much as I loved her. Had I not been such a coward, I would have been with her. The years we spent together would have been spent as more than friends. The tears I shed are more so of regret than of pain.

My dear Rukia.

My beautiful sweet angel.

My bittersweet addiction.

Now, she can never know just how much she really means to me.

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Thoughts? Comments? Reviews?

Please and thank you! :)


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